If sex is not going well in a relationship, it can cause tension in the long run. Are you unable to work it out together? Do sexual problems have a negative effect on your relationship? Then sex therapy can help.
What is sex therapy?
Sex therapy is a special form of therapy aimed at solving sexual problems. This includes talking about your feelings, experiences, expectations and desires related to the sexual problem.
When to get sex therapy?
You may consider sex therapy if sexual problems are having a negative impact on your relationship and you cannot find a solution yourself. The cause of sexual problems can be physical, relational or sexual. Often it is a combination of causes.
The most common are: no desire for sex, the difference in sexual desire, erection or orgasm problems, infidelity, sex addiction, negative sexual experiences in the past, problems with sex after an accident or illness, questions about sexual preference, etc..
Over 70% of people in long-term relationships start to experience problems with sex at some point. It is rarely talked about openly. Sexuality and sex are still taboo in a time when everyone seems to have to enjoy sex all the time. Discussing your own sexuality and that of your partner and seeking help from a sex therapist for this is a very big step. Discussing sex problems with a person outside your relationship feels unsafe.
However, expert help through sex therapy is the best thing you can do for yourself and your partner when it comes to problems around sex. Otherwise, sex can become a stumbling block in your relationship.
Tension arises, there are innuendos and veiled recriminations. If you avoid sex altogether together, in the long run the biological need can cause one of you to cheat.
And for many people that is the worst thing that can happen: your trust in your partner is broken. Sex therapy really offers a solution and provides a better sex experience, more intimacy and a stronger connection.
Do you have sexual problems in your relationship? Then you should preferably go to sex therapy as a couple. If you cannot get your partner to join you - or if you are single - then individual therapy may still be advisable.
How does sex therapy work?
Sex therapy usually proceeds in several stages:
Information and discussion of the problem: the therapist provides targeted information about the physical, psychological and relational aspects of the sexual problem. Often people have certain beliefs that are incorrect and must first be disproved. You also learn to talk about sexuality easier and better. Because if you're not used to that, it is quite difficult!
Home exercises: you get assignments at home that you can do in a safe private environment. As a couple you will be actively involved in the therapy and you can learn new sexual skills.
Discussions: the home exercises are alternated with therapy sessions. The exercises will be discussed. Not only practical but also how you experienced the exercises. Step by step the therapist will look for stumbling blocks, blockages or inhibitions.
It is not always necessary to go through the whole process: sometimes only information can suffice to solve a sexual problem. For more complex problems, the duration of the therapy may be spread over several sessions.
Example of home exercises
Below is described therapy for couples, in whom sexual contact has somehow come to a halt. The main idea behind the therapy is that with optimal sexual-erotic contact the whole body is used. So not only the genitals!
For many men and women with sexual complaints, lovemaking has become a kind of performance, in which they often feel they have failed. Through sex therapy, you learn (again) that sex is about physical pleasure, lust and intimacy.
The therapy consists of a number of phases in which different exercises are prescribed each time. In the beginning, you are not allowed to have intercourse until you have gone through the first phases together.
This is to take the attention away from the achievement and the 'must do'.
In outline, three phases can be distinguished:
Phase 1
Non-sexual caressing exercises, where you teach each other how you like to be touched.
Phase 2
The caressing exercises become sexual because then the erogenous zones and genitals are also touched. You teach each other how you prefer to be touched, satisfied and brought to orgasm.
Phase 3
You slowly move on to having intercourse again, in a conscious and pleasurable way for both of you.
Sex coaching as relationship therapy
Sex coaching is sometimes used to enrich your sex life. For example, tantra or new techniques to become a better lover or mistress.
If you have serious problems such as ejaculation too early, impotence, pain during intercourse, sexual differences in the relationship, etc., then you are better off seeing a sex therapist for sex therapy.
What is sex coaching?
Sex coaching is a relatively new term and there is no standard yet for exactly what sex coaching entails.
In general, a sex coach will talk to you about what you desire from your sex life and explore with you what your experiences are sexually and what new experiences you could add, such as using sex toys, erotic literature, or porn.
A sex coach can help you become a better lover or mistress by giving information and advice on how to create the right atmosphere, get your partner in the mood and how to apply certain techniques.
The sex coach can do this by telling, by demonstrating techniques (for example with a doll) and by showing videos.
The sex coach can also be present during sexual acts to give feedback on the spot, for example, to teach you (better) masturbation or to learn how you and your partner can give each other a body-to-body massage.
How do I get started in therapy?
Your next step to get started in therapy is to just click the button below. You’ll schedule your free consultation because you deserve great mental health!