Sexual performance anxiety or sexual anxiety is a commonly used term, but it's also a generic definition for the anxieties that men and women experience before or during sexual activity. So let's understand exactly what it's all about, as well as causes and treatment.
Sexual performance anxiety is an emotional state characterized by the fear of failing in a particular sexual situation or of not performing well. In the case of intimate relationships between men and their partners, this state causes a deep sense of inferiority, physical, and psychological discomfort, which inevitably ends up ruining the moment of intimacy.
But this anxiety is also common in women, generating disconnection with pleasure and problems such as anorgasmia or lack of lubrication in the vaginal canal.
On a subjective level, performance anxiety causes unpleasant physiological sensations, negative thoughts, a sense of inadequacy and helplessness.
On a body level, tremors, palpitations, excessive sweating, muscle tension, and redness can occur. Finally, on a behavioral level, gestures and mimics appear clumsy, rude, or indecisive.
Causes of Sexual Performance Anxiety
The causes of performance anxiety are related to a state of weakness in the individual, and have their variations in each. See below.
Cognitive errors
Irrational ideas can feed this model, which are summarized in the maxim: "if I don't perform, I won't be successful and therefore I will be rejected by others."
This rigid view involves the whole person, so a single mistake is enough to bring down their self-esteem and, consequently, generate a deep malaise, which can lead to other psychological problems.
Fear of Failure
The fear of failure consists in the fear of not being able to have or maintain an erection, and may be due to previous negative experiences: once you have had an episode of impotence, this mechanism may be repeated in subsequent sexual experiences. Another fear is that you may feel unable to satisfy a partner who may be more sexually developed.
The subject feels little confidence in their own sexuality, even though, in general, their confidence in their other abilities is not compromised.
The fear of failure is linked to other fears, such as being abandoned, not being loved by the partner, or not being loved enough. This kind of anxiety about being judged by one's partner can trigger a deep dynamic linked to fears of abandonment.
Overly Demanding Partner
The perceived demand for sexual performance from the partner can determine these impotence responses that persist over time, especially when a circular relational mechanism is established between partners in which one partner feels rejected by the other’s symptom and therefore blames them, exhibiting sexually demanding behavior, which in turn further inhibits the other’s response.
Low or Excessive Emotional Involvement
Lack of involvement can be considered one of the causes of psychological impotence, often linked to situations that a partner has put themselves into an activity without having erotic involvement.
Excessive emotional involvement can also cause increased stress and with it erectile dysfunction. When the man tries to conquer a partner, being already emotionally interested in her, he ends up putting himself in situations that harm him in obtaining and maintaining erectile dysfunction.
Psychological Disorders and Performance Anxiety
When performance anxiety is left untreated, it can give rise to more serious pathologies, such as generalized anxiety, panic attacks, and social phobia.
Because of the importance they place on sexual intercourse, people affected by a state of performance anxiety begin to experience sexuality with fear, distress, and unnaturalness. In the long term, the mind associates sex with something bad and the positive emotions and pleasure of the practice are lost, leading to problems such as psychological erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, anorgasmia, complications with ejaculation, vaginismus, and others.
Treatment for Sexual Performance Anxiety
Discovering and understanding the unconscious motivations for performance anxiety are indispensable elements in overcoming symptoms that involve the patient's entire personality.
The work of reconstructing the subject's history, carried out within a meaningful and particular relationship, such as the one between therapist and patient, allows us to take into account an enormous amount of data that refers not only to current events, but enriched by experiences, dreams, reticence, and lapses in a complex interpretative framework that aims to make sense of the symptom.
As much as a complete analysis of the subject is required, treatment is usually brief, even more so if hypnotic approaches such as Mental Reprogramming or Hypnosis are used within Sex Therapy.
Tips to ease anxiety before sex
Talk to your partner
Talking can help alleviate some of your worries. There are many ways to be intimate without having sex. Talk about something sensual or take a hot bath together before you start. Invest in cuddles, fantasies, and relaxation.
Take a deep breath
Take several deep breaths before sex to help decrease tension. Try to stay calm and cool. The tip is not to be too self-challenged about your performance, but to enjoy and enjoy the moment.
Don't overcharge yourself
Think about the moment, enjoy the moment, don't focus your thoughts on your sexual performance. Leave everyday worries out of the bedroom. Don't demand too much of yourself and be patient.
I can't solve my problem by myself, I need help!
Have you tried applying these tips, but still your sexual performance is not satisfactory? Then maybe it's time to seek medical help and get back to having pleasure during sex.
First, you need to find out if your problem is psychological, due to anxiety, or if it is some organic cause. You can reach out for a free consultation from our highly trained therapists. You may also want to consult your primary care provider for assistance or a referral to a specialist.